When I was pregnant with my son, I was fortunate enough to move into my own place. As I moved my belongings to the 10th apartment I had lived in the eighteen years I’d been living abroad, I realized that I had moved a lot of things in all of the apartments I had lived in.
And many of them I had never even used.
I had linens that I wasn’t using – just in case. I had baskets and furniture that were just taking up space. I had shelves and brackets and dozens of DIY projects that I had started and not completed.
I stopped thinking “OK, how can I organize better to fit more stuff” and instead started thinking: “OK what do I really need?”
And then I discovered minimalism and was hooked.
What does it mean to adopt a minimalist lifestyle?
A minimalist lifestyle rejects consumerism and praises the idea that you should only have the things you need or that bring value into your life.
As Joshua Becker, Founder of Becoming Minimalist, says: “Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from it.”
Why is minimalism so popular now?
Minimalism has spread as a backlash to consumerism, and its become more popular as ideas are easy to spread on the internet.
Today’s consumerism society glorifies more, not less.
- We have to be more productive.
- Our kids need more clothes, toys, accessories, etc.
- We have to make more money (regardless if the salary is sufficient)
- We have to have bigger houses and cars.
- Our kids should be in more activities
- Our kids should go to all of their classmates’ birthday parties
We also live in a time where we can purchase many things to put in our larger houses at the click of a button, for a cheap price. This makes it easy for consumerism to spread.
But people have realized that acquiring more does not make us happier.
Our large homes are filled with toys our kids don’t play with and clothes that aren’t worn and rooms that aren’t used.
Eventually, we’ll grow old and our kids will go through these things that we never used.
At the same time as consumerism has grown, inflation has hit, and more people are struggling. Some are in a situation where they suddenly need to shop less, go out for meals less, and cut down on their vacation.
Guess what? Sometimes when times get better, these same people continue their minimal lifestyle from before, because they realized they weren’t missing anything.
The benefits of minimalism
Minimalism has a lot of psychological, financial, and even physical advantages.
- You’ll feel better – Cluttered homes make it harder to focus and increase stress.
- You’ll have a cleaner home – A smaller home with fewer things in it is far easier to clean. You’ll be able to clean it more efficiently in less time.
- You’ll have more money – Use the money you would have spent on things for experiences, or save more. When you store fewer things, you’ll also save money, since you’ll no longer run the risk of losing money from misplaced inventory, like Walmart, who lost $3 billion due to mismanaged inventory in 2013.
- You’ll have more energy – Did you know the mind gets tired when it has a lot of decisions to make? Having less stuff to sort and clean means fewer decisions, which is one method to combat decision fatigue.
- You’ll be more organized – If you have fewer things, they are easier to organize and you’ll be able to find them more easily. You won’t buy items because you don’t know where they are.
- You’ll have more space – In the U.S. we often think we need more room when we can easily gain space by getting rid of furniture and items we don’t need.
Why a single mom should adopt a minimalist lifestyle
If I could give a single mom one piece of advice, especially one with young kids, it would be to adopt a minimalist lifestyle. You don’t have extra time trying to find your kid’s socks, cook lots of meals, or try on outfits anymore before leaving the house.
Moms are busy, but if you’re a single mom, you need housekeeping to be as easy as possible. Quick food preparation. A home that gives you energy and doesn’t zap it.
I’ve broken down the different types of minimalism any single mom should be pursuing every day.
1) Minimizing extra-curricular activities
My mom always complained that her mom dragged her to all these extracurricular activities when she would have preferred to just sit at home.
I remember I taught some kids ESOL here and one day I came in to find my students hiding under the table, refusing to come out from under it. The mother had enrolled her kids in a bunch of activities, and the kids simply rebelled one day. I honestly don’t remember if I came back, she may have switched the activity so that I took them to a museum after school instead.
I have a few friends with older children who have told their kids they can choose one extracurricular activity a year, but if they don’t like it they can stop. I have another friend with a large family who only enrolls them in activities once she sees they have a true interest in them.
It’s OK and research says it’s OK for your kids to be bored. Most of the time my son will calm down a lot if I give him my undivided attention and put my cell phone down.
2) Minimizing social activities for your kids
My son is three-and-a-half and we’ve only gone to one birthday party (thank goodness).
At that birthday party, I remember thinking: Who wants this birthday party, the kid, the parents, or the grandparents? I saw all of them there, and my guess is the grandparents. I later asked the head of my son’s old daycare center “But what if your kid is introverted and the parents are extroverted?”
“Yes, that happens a lot,” she admitted.
Minimizing social activities is easier for introverts. Extroverted moms might actually like planning birthday parties, but I feel like if you’re an extroverted mom who gets upset easily and sweats the details, minimalism still might be a good bet for you. lockdowns, but I also knew from friends that he would play with them until he was way into grammar school.
I believe that you should be very cautious when buying toys for your children when they are very small. They are pretty much a hit or miss until your child shows an interest in something in particular.
3) Minimizing toys and other types of entertainment
I refused to buy toys for my son until the pandemic hit. Then I backed down and bought magnetic blocks. At five months, they were mostly to help entertain me during our mandatory
For example, I bought my son an Ikea kitchen. My friend swore up and down that it was a great investment, that her kids played with the kitchen all the time, even her 5-year-old.
My son played with it a few times when he first got it, and maybe when we came back from visiting his grandparents in the United States.
Now? He doesn’t touch it.
I tried to make this kitchen into a functional kitchen to extend its use. Unfortunately, the plastic water pipe got mold in it, and I figured it would happen again if we took a break from the kitchen. (Are you supposed to take the plastic tube out and let it dry?)
Now at three-and-a-half, I put some of my son’s dishes and even some of my dishes in it and let him get his own plate and utensils for dinner.
Otherwise, when I try to get him to play or chop vegetables in his kitchen, he says “But it’s not real.”
Kids are smart. I find that my son has played for hours at different ages with: plastic bottles, two-sided tape, my toolbox and the tools inside, a measuring tape, floss, and thermometers.
The best toys are what we use every day.
4) Parenting minimalism
It doesn’t end.
I have a friend who has five kids. I asked her how she goes to all this. She said she simply can’t, and she has to choose what to send her kids to. She also doesn’t enroll her kids in that many extracurricular activities. She waits until she sees that they have an actual passion or interest in something, so she’s more confident that it’s worth her time and money.
I think we should minimize birthday parties too. Both going to them and having them. There’s no need to invite your kids’ entire daycare class, and having a few kids over for a few hours should be enough.
Single moms can learn a lot from big families. Sure, they have two parents (most of the time), but since they have so many kids, they also have fewer resources just like you do.
5) Social minimalism
Even if you’re a single mom, you don’t need a million friends. You need a handful of people you can call in the middle of the night. Those are the people you should give most of your attention to.
You can have another layer of friends for hobbies, your kid’s friends, and anyone you might meet at the church or neighborhood.
You don’t need to get together with friends all the time, or every weekend. One set of friends each weekend is plenty. And that’s not every weekend, it’s 60-75% of my monthly weekends.
6) Holiday minimalism
I’m an observant Jew living in Israel. When I lived in the United States, I knew married women who went all out during the month of Jewish holidays we have in the fall.
Here in Israel, it just goes to a whole different level. (I’m sure women in the U.S. celebrating Christmas get stressed out trying to create the “perfect” holiday memory for their kids too).
Here’s the question: Do you really need 4 types of meat and 20 different types of salad? Only if you have a large extended family. And in that case, why can’t everyone bring a dish when they come?
I’ve never, ever been to a holiday meal where anyone was hungry. Sure, maybe they ran out of a specific dish, but there are a bunch of other dishes with food to eat, so what does it really matter?
7) Minimalist cooking
If you have a small child, there’s no need for fancy cooking. Unless you stress bake and it’s mainly complicated dishes. Small kids either don’t eat anything or eat the simplest foods possible.
Cut up apples. Pretzels. Orange juice. Sandwiches cut in half. Peanut butter and jelly, cucumbers and cottage cheese, mozzarella cheese and tomato sauce.
If you’re a single mom or SMBC, this is even more true. I have a Ninja hot and cold blender and plan on buying the Ninja foodie soon. I realized I need a crockpot that cooks while I’m not home or doing something else in the house.
If you’re only cooking for yourself and wee ones who are ridiculously picky, my advice is to not sweat the small stuff.
I rotate the same four breakfast meals:
- Cereal with milk
- Yogurt with raisins or apricots
- Oatmeal with raisins
- Grits (I buy them on iherb)
Lunch could be the same:
- A sandwich
- Pasta with cheese
- Soup with a fresh chopped salad
Dinner
- Chicken with rice/potatoes/burgle/quinoa
- Salmon and with noodles
- Pasta with a sauce (either ketchup, mayonnaise or pesto)
- An omelet with fresh vegetables
Know what I do with leftovers?
I take extra salmon and make salmon patties or put it in with noodles.
Take the chicken and make a sandwich for lunch.
Super. Simple.
6) Minimalist cleaning and housekeeping
Between working full-time and prioritizing doing the most necessary chores in the house (e.g., laundry and dishes), it’s hard to have energy for anything else.
That’s why you must, as the Minimalist Mom says, have less inventory.
The fewer things you own, the easier it is to clean.
Get as much off of the counters and floor as possible.
Think of the last time you walked into a hotel room and saw… nothing. Wasn’t it the best feeling to walk into that room, knowing there was nothing there for you to clean and organize?
7) Minimize your digital consumption
I truly struggle with this, and I don’t consider myself that addicted to the internet. I even unplug every Saturday, but that’s due to actual religious practice than discipline.
I take out my phone and scroll or check email more than I’d like to admit while my three-and-a-half-year-old cries out in wonder at cats, garbage trucks, yardwork and construction sites.
But the inability to stay in the moment comes at a price.
The oxytocin in your system can be extremely difficult to get out. I find myself truly relaxed on the one day I am digitally unplugged, and would like to have a way to extend that feeling to the rest of my week.
Another method for doing this is the idea of only introducing digital media into your life that supports your values. Cal Newport talks about it in detail in his book Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World.
8) Baby stuff minimalism
There is so much consumerism around babies. I couldn’t believe how many things were sold to you that you don’t need, and as a first-time parent, you can really get taken for a ride.
Take a changing table for example.
I thought “OK, I’m an older mom, I don’t want back problems…” so I made my own changing table from a dresser. I got the dresser for around $50 from a second-hand online portal.
Then I talked to some moms who had 5, 6 or more kids. I’ve found that once a couple has more than one child, they comprehend what an enormous expense of it, and are often looking to simplify the second time around.
Guess what these families do for changing tables? They use their bed, or the floor.
Because you don’t really need a changing table.
I can guarantee our grandmothers didn’t use one and their backs were none the worse for it.
And that’s a practical example. Take baby wipe warmers, baby shoes, baby food processors.. There’s an endless list of items you could buy for your baby. But don’t get taken for a ride on the consumerism bandwagon.
IMHO, the only baby items you truly need are a stroller and a car seat. Moms who live in urban areas without a car should use the Doona, which functions as both!
11) A minimalist wedding
Some of you probably want to get married one day. I have a feeling you won’t be going all out either like you did the first time around or the way you thought you’d do it in your 20s or 30s.
At this point in your life, you can probably think of many other things you’d spend tens of thousands of dollars on. Some of the nicest weddings I’ve been to have been the simplest.
Here are a few elements of a wedding you can simplify the second time around:
- The venue. Consider a small wedding outside in a park or backyard of someone’s home
- The guest list. True, your friends are likely partnered at this point, making the guest list longer. But do you really have to invite your high school and college friends? Food that is
- Flowers. I have been to many weddings where multiple families take home entire bouquets. True, they don’t go to waste, but it was expensive. Why not just one bouquet for the bride (if any) and that’s it.
- Food. I went to a nice wedding that had barbeque meats for its guests. I imagine it was cheaper but it did take a long time for me to get any food. The smaller the guest list, the easier food will be, and if you have friends who like cooking or baking, ask them to handle desserts or entrees.
- The music. Live bands are expensive, and so are DJs. I say, if you want a lot of dancing, make your own playlist and buy some high-quality speakers you can put up outside. If you want to focus on the people and talking to everyone, consider no music and limiting music to just the ceremony.
Eliminating your silent to-do list as a single mom
People underestimate how much a cluttered house can weigh you down and how much minimalism, simple cooking, and easy housekeeping can bring to their life. As Fuito Sasaki, a Japanese minimalist says: “Everything in your house is sending you a message.” Those messages build up and it can be hard to focus in a house with so many messages being sent to you simultaneously.
When I became a single mom by choice in my 40s, I suddenly felt that I had a lot more things on my to-do list. Sometimes they were subconscious (e.g. Am I enjoying every moment while he’s a baby?). Sometimes they were societal (e.g. You should spend time with your child at home while he’s young) and sometimes they were practical (e.g. You have laundry, dishes, the doctor, the bathrooms…).
I’m now on a mission to cut down that to-do list as much as possible and simplify my life, and I think minimalism can help get me there.