I often trade tips with mom friends with six and even ten (!) kids. Part of me feels like if I had gotten married, I would have had at least four kids, which would be a lot of work – maybe even more than I do now.
I’d still look at my friends with more kids and say to myself “But how do they do that?”
Whether it’s intentional or not, I’ve also seen that a lot of my friends with bigger families practice many of the principles of minimalist parenting. Now with a six and a half year old and nine month old, I’ve started to intentionally practice them as well.
What is Minimalist Parenting and How Did it Get Started?
In the past 30 years, modern western society has trended towards consumerism, focusing on more and bigger possessions. Parents now are pressured to give their children:
- More extracurricular activities
- More toys for your kids
- Elaborate birthday parties (and attend all classmate’s birthdays too)
- More movies, books, TV shows, apps, and games
- A bigger house and car (even though women globally are having fewer children)
These desires are marketed to parents to appeal to their best intentions. After all, what parent doesn’t want their child to be social and popular at birthday parties and learn skills such as basketball, soccer, dance and gymnastics? We want them to develop properly. And we want them to learn and be exposed to other languages and cultures, right?
It turns out that these trends are more of a product of consumerism than fulfilling a gap in your child’s development. Children actually need a lot less than you think to thrive.
Minimalist parenting is about doing more with less.
7 Benefits of Minimalist Parenting Single Moms Can Benefit From
I’ve noticed that I actually have a lot in common with my friends with larger families, and these commonalities position both of us to benefit from minimalist parenting. Although both of us have less time and fewer resources, we can learn from one another.
In particular as an SMBC you should keep in mind: Not only do you not have a husband, you also don’t have a wife.
Adopting a minimalist lifestyle as a single parent offers many benefits:
It saves time.
A friend of mine with nine (!) kids told me that even going to the playground with her kids is a special treat. I asked her why she doesn’t go more often. Wouldn’t that be easier, I thought, to burn off their energy?
“The laundry calls me, the dishes call me,” she explained. She can’t work her way through those tasks in a playground, and neither can you.
At one point we spent a lot of time in playgrounds after daycare, but I’ve learned to come home a few days a week to catch up on housework.
2. It’s more affordable.
The cost of living has skyrocketed, especially in the last few years. Trying to keep up with it gets more and more challenging.
If you take your kids to fewer extracurricular activities and buy them fewer toys, you’ll probably end up saving money. If you focus on experiences, then going to a new playground while you do errands can become a really fun day.
Also, if you go as far as to cloth diaper your baby and buy as much second-hand clothing as possible, you’ll save money as well.
3. It’s less stressful.
Taking my kid to even ONE extracurricular activity several times a week, particularly without a car, is incredibly time-consuming. Unless it is under a 10 minute walk, I don’t consider it. This is especially true after having a second child.
Now that I’ve moved I moved to an area where kids play downstairs under the apartment buildings with other kids outside, I feel like I hit gold. The other kids are sometimes from bigger families; the parents just don’t have money or time to send kids to classes.
4. It emphasizes experiences over possessions.
Toys end up cluttering your house; they break and my son ends up chasing the next toy a week later. One of the reasons I hate birthday parties is that I see a whole pile of gifts given to the child and I know most of them will break or be thrown out within the next few months.
But if my son and I go on a day trip together alone for his birthday, there’s more of a chance he might remember it as he grows up.
Research also supports the idea that experiences bring more long-term happiness than possessions.
5. It teaches your kid that it’s OK to stand up for your values – even if they are different from everyone else’s.
One day my son came home and started repeating some things the teacher and other kids told me that I didn’t really agree with. I asked a friend who is also a mother of five for advice.
She told me that I can simply tell my child:
“In our family we believe X because Y.”
Your child can then explain this simply to others. It also instills in him a sense of pride that you do things differently. (This advice was for my then 5 year old, for pre-teens and teenagers I’ll have to get back to you!)
6. It is freeing.
It takes an enormous amount of energy to keep up with everyone else, and drains you when you aren’t true to your own self. Once you stop looking around you and trying to keep up with everyone else, you can start to think:
- “Is this good for my family?”
- “What do I want them to learn from life?”
- “What do I want them to take from me when I am no longer on earth?”
These questions are far more important than acquiring a bigger house or making sure children have good form in basketball.
7. It is good for them!
Multiple studies show that kids need unstructured time to play with other kids (or just themselves). It is also linked to more happiness and a better ability to cope with stress. Unstructured outside play gives children the opportunity to develop social skills and conflict resolution that computer games do not.
Also, having fewer possessions and less clutter has been linked to a decrease in anxiety and stress. You know how relaxed you feel in an empty hotel room? This is one reason why.
The Ultimate Gift of Minimalist Parenting
When you’re spending less time, money and energy parenting because you’re not keeping up with your neighbors and being more intentional in your activities, it’s easier to become more relaxed.
And a more peaceful home is one of the best gifts you can give your child, and I believe minimalist parenting can do this.